Some History
Growing up with a mother who suffered from undiagnosed bipolar disorder and general anxiety was tough. In general, it can be difficult to explain to people who have never been involved with someone (in any sense of the word ‘involved’) what it’s like to interact with an individual who’s mood swings change as often as traffic lights because they have no basis for comparison. I firmly believe that most people have mood swings. No one is constantly happy or sad all the time, as far as I’m concerned. However, without exposure to someone with this disorder regular folks have no idea what this is like. Eggshells are small, tiny, fragile things, but they hurt, and no matter how thick the bottoms of your feet are, you feel them. Almost the entire year round this was my childhood. Except when it came to Christmas.
From the middle of November until the second week of January my mother was a different person. The Christmas season filled my mother with love and hope. It was the one time of the year when the eggshells were no longer present. My brother and I could walk with relative ease. This isn’t to say it was easy. It wasn’t, not all the time. But it was easier. Undeniably there was never enough money, never enough food, never ‘enough’ gifts. But we came together like a family. Everyone wanted to make the holiday special for each other. So we did. Including mom.
How we’re alike, and How I Move Forward
Christmas was like her Super-Power. Like Superman gained his strength and speed from the sun, Mom gained her happiness from the holiday. Indeed moments of melancholy had all but vanished. In short, either the Christmas season cured her, or she tried really, really hard for us. In truth, as a father who has struggled with mental illness nearly my entire life, I can relate. My mom taught me how to work harder for my children. She taught me my greatest lessons. She gifted me with an appreciation for this holiday.
Inside of myself I see the ability to be more kind, patient, and caring than I was the year before. Within humanity, I see the capacity for charity and love. In my children, my family, and my friends, I see hope for the future. Christmas matters to me because it’s a reminder that we can be better, all we have to do is want it.
Public Service Announcement
During the holiday season, our mental states can be in peril. If you’re suffering from mental illness and you need a hand up, or just someone to talk to, please reach out to someone. In the United States please visit PsychCentral where they have a list of numbers for you to call.
If you live in Canada please visit the Government of Canada site for links and phone numbers to important resources.