As I began to write this blog I decided I wanted to do something a little more powerful, and perhaps even slightly cathartic with the entry. My mother, Debra Diane Moffatt, died from three unexpected and massive heart attacks on December 31st, 2009. She was 53 years old. I wrote this letter to honour her memory.
Dear Mom,
As the days draw ever closer to December 31st, I find myself thinking of you. It’ll be ten years this New Years Eve that you left us. I miss you. We all miss you.
Life has been full of ups and downs since you passed. Last year I completed my first two semesters of University, Mom. That’s right, your baby-boy is a student — I did it. I talk to Randy every once in a while, and he tells me how proud you’d be of me. I hope you would. I have classes with a lot of wonderful people, and I really enjoy being a part of this community with them. A lot of them have been incredibly gracious and done their best to help me not feel like the odd person out. I think most of them are just as nervous as I am.
My writing is coming along well. Just before last year’s Winter semester, I finished my second book. I can’t believe I get to say that I’m a two-time author. I’ve made a lot of friends in the writing community, and I often tell them that you would have liked them. Thank you, Mom, for giving me my love of words.
Life isn’t without its challenges, and I still have my vices. When I get stressed out from all the homework, I still like to zone out and game. Sometimes I catch Renee shaking her head, and I’ll hear her mutter something about not believing she married a ‘gamer.’ It’s okay though, I know she loves me, and it makes me laugh. She doesn’t know where I got my love of games from. Maybe one day I’ll tell her that you loved the Nintendo almost more than I did.
Don’t worry, though. I’ve learned to know my limits, and on those days when I feel like I’m getting lost in the rabbit hole, I’ll put the controller down and do something else, like sketching or painting. I’ve become quite an artist since you passed, another passion I got from you. I’ve enclosed something I drew recently, I hope you like it.
Lastly, …the kids…
Mom, being a parent, is one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done in my entire life, but it’s also one of the most rewarding. Being a Dad has taught me so much about myself. I’ve learned that I’m so much stronger than I ever thought I could be. Before “G” was born I know I was selfish and entitled, and I’m so sorry for that. I know now how hard on you that must have been. Raising her and her siblings taught me the value of sacrifice and hard work.
“A,” like her big sister, is growing up so fast, and she looks just like you. More than just looks, she has your attitude. Dealing with her has shown me how patient I can be.
“T” has grown up so much. She’s just starting to discover herself, and where she fits in the world as a strong, smart woman. Despite being sick, she’s an incredibly happy person. She’s taught me the importance of empathy, courage, and dignity, and how to find all three in myself.
Before she passed away in February, Grandma said your grandson, “P,” is a lot like me. Like his sisters, he taught me things about myself, too. Namely I’ve learned from him that there is a real strength in knowing when it’s okay to tell people you’re feeling weak.
I guess it’s time for me to go, Mom. I know that you’re resting peacefully, wherever you are. Please, never doubt I loved you in life, and that I continue to love you now. You raised me better than any son ever deserved. Thank you for that.
Your loving son,
AJ