Like the song says, sometimes you just have to “…Let it go…”
Christmas time, or the holiday season if you prefer, is a loving, caring, forgiving time for many people. Tis’ the season where we get together with our valued friends and family and we celebrate what it means to be together. But sometimes being together isn’t the right thing, and some people try and force situations upon themselves that they aren’t comfortable with.
In that second paragraph is there one word in particular that I struggle with: forgiveness. It’s not that I have a problem forgiving people. The fact is that I am possibly one of the most forgiving people I know. Sure, I can rage, vent, and get annoyed with the best of them. If you know me well, then you know that I feel very strongly. I’m exceedingly in touch with my emotional side. Owning how I feel is important to me, even if I have trouble expressing it at times. That being said, the issue, I feel, is that I am too quick to forgive people because I think it’s the right thing to do. It’s a problem because I tend to forgive people even when I have a strong suspicion that they’ll hurt me again. Furthermore, the feeling to forgive intensifies tenfold during the Christmas season.
The want, the need, or perhaps more appropriately, the urge to forgive people can be overwhelming. My discomfort with people not liking me drives these feelings. In my mind, I believe that if I forgive, people will do the same, and they’ll like me again. However, finding out I’m wrong always hurts.
The best example I have is my relationship with my father. Logically, I know he and I will never be good again. It sucks, but it’s a relationship I’m never going to be able to fix. Years of mistakes, perhaps on both sides, have ruined what we have. I love my Dad, regardless of what he thinks. However, at some point in time I have to accept that I can’t do all the work to fix “us”.
For the rest of this year and the one that follows I plan to take my own advice and remember some basic truths about myself. I am worthy, loved, and valued. Maybe I need to give myself a gift this year. Maybe I need to forgive myself and move on.